This is dead. Sorry.

Ok. So I haven't lost the battle of Weed.
I'm going to try to be "friends" with it.
Intimate friends March 20th 2010.

Royce and I have a couple's Halloween party to go to on the 23rd.
It's so funny to be a part of that.

We adopted a baby kiki!
He's a small fluff with a cold.
His name - Ganja.

My life isn't that interesting once I stop taking an interest in the outside world.
I'll spend forever watching Cowboy Bebop and the Office.

A girl with blond and pink hair came over last night. She also had a geometrically pleasing patterned skirt and fuzzy ugg-like boots.
Not my cup of tea, grant you - it looked like a rave birthed her.
However her eyes were all over Rojo. Imagine she's currently eighteen and recognized him from ATRF. I'm dating her obvious crush from when she was thirteen or fourteen.

Proud moment for me (that is sarcasm).

Royce and I actually had our first bump in the road.
Apparently - he loves weed.
I almost went into cardiac arrest I was so astounded.
So now Weed and I are going to duke it out for the heart of Royce Elliott Leeds.
I will not fucking fail. Pathetic.

Something about him is so worth it.

I want my mom to give me her car.
I have to meet up with Ash tomorrow for dinner or something.
I've missed her petite stature more than anyone could guess.
I need to get in touch with people and the world again.
A-n-t-i-s-o-c-i-a-l.

I spent all of yesterday drinking.
Vodka + cranberry raspberry juice.
Then to mix it up a little, some whiskey and cherry coke in the evening.
I met some new people! Always a pleasant experience.

Then in the middle of the night fell a tiny bit in love.
I don't know if it's because he was dancing outside in blue shiny spandex
OR if it was because Kyle was getting him to make sound effects of war on command.
It's probably because he finds sex marathons just as funny as I do.
And he always plays jokes on me.
And his voice is wonderfully deep and loud, along with his ever-constant laugh.
And he rubs my back in the best way without me having to ask for it.
And he always plunges his hand into my hair when he kisses me.
And we can constantly joke and converse, and he listens so well.
AND he's starting to take my advice. He has the same goal I do.

He makes me feel happy/comfortable/loved/attractive/safe/important.
He gives. This time I'm not going to take. I'm going to give back double.

I'm prattling like an idiot :)

Lemon cakkkkkkeeee with cream cheese frostinggggggggg.
Suck it all of you losers who aren't doing something as cool as I am.

I miss my B.
I miss my J&J.
I miss mah mawm.
I love the effects of alcohol.
And how mother fucking fast I can type while still under the influence.
lovelovelovelogelovleovelvoelfjaiefj;laskjef

Headaches are not so favorable.
Neither is a cold night walking to the boyfriends house.
I feel like to obtain the ability to handle the evening, I should probably down the vodka in my purse.

Oh and sweet mary - I will demolish that fuckin' bottle.

My eyeballs are a little in pain still. But hey, just call me four eyes from now on. I can legitimately people watch! A lot of people know how exciting that is for me.

Now I need to set up my interviews and appointment for my license.
Then get my beloved car. Join the rest of the working world.

Holy God - I will never get over Tom's gay voice. Or his laugh.
Lawlawlawlawlawlawlawlawl.

I'm going to go see my favorite boy :D

Stressed. Excited. Nervous to the point of puking.

This is a good feeling.
I'm going to go throw up.

I just want a kissssss.

Last night was really fun.
I need more of my nights with Indian Bananas.

I'm going to make today interesting - fuck the rest.

"Christopher Jordan Wilkinson - You're playing DDR with Mick right now and I'm finding you pretty darn cute. The faces you make when you're trying to concentrate (mixed with the fact that you are trying to concentrate on something as funny as DDR with nerdy Mickey) makes my heart vomit a tiny bit. But it vomits good things, not half digested food mixed with stomach acid like my tum does. My heart vomits kisses and little baby hearts and confetti and christmas candy and rainbow easter eggs and chocolate milk. That's how you make me feel baybee. Now to spin this bitch, I'm going to get sappy on you. Not tree sap - vag sap. My secretions, I'm going to get them on you. Slob on that knob. Your knob. Just joking. We don't do that. We make good ol' sweet baby makin' love. And it's rays of the white light from heaven spotlighting on our nekkid bodies when we get on down between the bed sheets. I'm going to close that door now however, because what I have for you is a little more than that beautiful bliss of attraction towards your handsome face you god damn stud. Your heart and mind are the most wonderful things I've ever come across. This is srs. I treasure the shit out of you. Not literal shit, more like proverbial. So pleeze never shit on me. Save your butthole for the cakez. For my birthday cake. December eighth two thousand nine. Twenty one yearz old and then you and I can go to bars together! And dance! I love the way you dance. Even though it's super goofy and not at all smooth (or maybe it's too smooth? :D) I'm just a tiny bit proud to get dibz on you. Yur mai varry fayvurettez boi ohn dis plahnit. Don't see that changing any time soon. The day it doesn't feel good to plant those big old nig lips of yours straight on my mouth is the day I plug up my vagina and become a nun forever and ever. Never stop calling me Stine either. Warms up my little heart organ every time."

^And there's the shape of true love ladies and gentlemen.

I have a door knob sized bruise on my hip. I will slaughter the little man called Jared Dante Wangenstein. There's money on that muhfuk'n promise. Recording music with him when he drinks FAILS every time. I have a few short term goals for the next few days.

Today

- Mawm's house.

- Netflix.

- Bath with my new sci-fi book.

- Cheesecake.

- Rocky Road milkshake.

- Spinach and mozzarella raviollis.

- Brush my hair.

- Make a resume.

- Craigslist. A lot.

Future

- Get good at DDR.

- Finish recording.

- Finish the Daniel Johnston Documentary.

- Watch the other two documentaries.

- Finalize moving plans.

- Spend a whole day on the prowl for a money making scheme/job.

- Find a way not to miss my boyfriend.

Ready. Set. Go.

Fuck it.
I'm going to the hospital.

I want melted string cheese.

I like waking up early. Well - it took a few times to actually stay awake.
Today is a day to be awake for.

I've only got one child to watch and hang out with - therefor it's going to be actually really fun.
Making a trip to Border's to buy her a new comic book. Purchase myself a new journal. I'm tired of writing music on napkins and paper bags. Picnic lunch. Then about that time the other one should be done with cheerleading practice. Craft store for sewing supplies and indian ink for my tattoo. Entertain the twerps for a little longer, cut my hair, then get drunk. Oh shoot, laundry. That fits in there somewhere.

On the music side, we're going to be making videos. We also have a really good idea for if we ever perform. I need to finish my solo song, then we're doing 8ish more. Then we choose a selection. Then photos, and publicity. Though I'm pretty sure anyone who comes into contact with Jared has heard our music before. But we're really on a good track - further yet we're progressing like hell. It also helps that I love my Jerd and Jordan Indian Bananas. So much in fact that our logo will be just a drawing of them licking my clit.

On the boy front - it's very interesting. It's also now public. Half of me is excited about that, other half is just.. really protective of him. He needs it. Sure, he's 6'1" and has a voice to rival Barry White. Has the capablities to become violent with MASS-ACRE tattooed on his knuckles. He's surprisingly not made of steel though behind that beard. He falls asleep to Led Zeppelin. He would have sex with George Clooney. There might only be one person out there in the world that would understand the huge meaning behind both of those reasons. This paragraph could go on forever.

Let's see what a shower can do for me.

Let me tell you, I have been pretty happy with life.
I have felt and am continuing to feel absolutely healthy.
Truthfully, I have had one sad day since I chose a different lifestyle for myself.
That right there, gives me the concrete evidence that I'm doing what I need in my life.

I think I've found someone as fun as I'm finding myself to be.
He laughs every 30 seconds - makes me laugh every 31 seconds.
Holds me all night. Allllll night. I don't have to spoon him!
His voice is amazingly funny/comforting.
Did I mention he makes me laugh?

Chances are this will crash and burn.
This is way too nice though to worry about that.

I have my two families, my music and my friends.
I also have to take a shower.

Oregon Ducks - you're really blowing tonight.

I've got the children today. We're making paper mache air balloons. Something very childish in me loves making messes. That's evident though, I get ink and paint all over my clothing.

I'm giving my balloon to Jordan. I haven't seen him lately at all. Well I guess since Saturday night, but seems longer.
Same with Bethany. What the hell is wrong with me. I'm missing all of these people.

Though I had a very confidence boosting conversation with my B. I've never been so real with a female, and it constantly makes me laugh. We've been gay since day one, singing Lady Gaga together during silence.

I feel like maybe today I just really don't have a lot to say.
I'm more stoked on the plans for this evening.

Too much to talk about.

California - was really fun. The feeling of realizing that we were actually not in Eugene anymore, let alone Oregon was refreshing & exciting. We met up with Joe, saw the tattoo parlour he apprentices at. Strolled along the beach, even that seemed really different than the Oregon coast - I found some pretty cool rocks. Built a "sand castle". Poked jellyfish. Chased birds. Got wet. Got to pet a gargantuan dog. We went to multiple thrift stores, all run by disorganized old people. Went into the most interesting bead shop I've ever encountered. The drive home hurt a little bit though.

Oregon - Camo canz. A huge drunken ordeal. A huge WONDERFUL drunken ordeal. Checking my outbox the next morning though, not so wonderful. Had a sleep over at Jordan's, RE5 is creeping both of us out. Then I got to sleep in a bed! I still can't believe he has so many decorative throw pillows. Last night, went over to Lucia's for as long as it took to say goodbye to Cam, Vince and Jordan. Hung out with Bethany for a second, before realizing that for once - I was tired at 1am. Then my moms fat cat woke me up at 8am.

So here I am - tired, bruised from Josh and Jared, way too full from pancakes. I'm going to clean my photobucket account. I can't think. Coffee doesn't sound too bad..

Bethany and I are taking off to California.
Literally grabbed a duffel bag - filled it, and now I'm eating then taking a quick shower.
I'm not exactly sure when we're going to leave, but it's going to be fun and I'm stoked.

I'm thinking I might get to see my dirty hippie.
I brought his jacket, and a few books in case I do.

Ah! Shit what the hell am I doing freakin' blogging?
New episode of True Blood.

The most exciting thing I've done today is make a playlist on myspace so I have music when I network on da interwebz.
I'm so fucking cool it hurts.

I had an awesome night adventuring, though I feel somewhat like a zombie right now.
Nothing a shower and food can't fix.

Highlight:
I looked through my texts, and yup - didn't imagine any of it.
That felt like a rainbow (fitting, since he's a hippie).
I need to get cracking on my scientific breakthrough, invention of wings.
Also my grammar is superb intoxicated.

...Yeah, I still just want to talk about him.
Maybe I'm still drunk. I miss Jordan. I want to see Bethany. I want to play Paramore on drums.
I need to grab some dibs on that chocolate zucchini cake and go to the klittywang engagement party at five(?)

New phone soon.

My body aches, it's wonderful. Drunken park, with a gorgeous fox. I missed her.

The alcohol and the most intense people-watching I've ever fucking engaged in.

Epic proportions, rly.

Then playing the best combination of drinking games, the kind where it makes you feel good for drinking for it lets you grow the brass (tits/bawlz) to break the ice between new people. Falling asleep in a huge cuddle puddle on the trampoline.

Connecting with some family, then swimming. 

Recording a full song with the J's. Gaining some goals for our musical project, and it's really creative. Not only are they my best friends, they're my outlets for everything. Especially my indian banana. I'm going back to his house soon for some more gh and Tosh.

Tomorrow: Go out to lunch, go to the fair, dinner party, go out to movie. Then the next day brutal hiking, and the engagement party.

My inbox is full er'yday. It's mind-blowing how many friends I love, how many I've reconnected with, how many I've met.

I could not be more grateful. It's also nice to having been engaged in a constant conversation via text for however long he's been gone.* There's something about him that I can laugh at probably twice a day average.

Healthy. Everything is healthy. Best decision of my life.

Actually, the 72 airheads were.

*edit: SIX DAYS. Incredible.

I have a plan! A life plan! It's fluctuating, and will continue to do so I imagine. However, finally it's something that will make me happy. Fool proof, and I like that.

I also like being a married couple with B. Reading books under the blanket next to each other, talking about butt worms around new company. You understand that maybe sometimes I just need to buy seventy-two airheads, or cry at a certain television show. I leave your house smelling like a man and I love it.

I've got a pillowy pectoral muscle out there to conquer. As soon as I figure out how to bestow wings. Though, I doubt that's a strict contract.

Mmm, everything feels nice. Along with that cheese pizza and snapple in my stomach.
So biggest question of the night now, what the hell is Horsemen?

I thought I woke up early today. Nope, I gazed at about 12:15pm.

I guess I had been drinking, if you want to call it that.

Today's Monday, and that's the only concept of time that I have.

That being only acquired to yesterday being when True Blood aired.

Horrible episode by the way, even if it was on Cameron and Bird's large television.

So now I'm sitting here, waiting for my woman to come over.

I'm going to see what a shower will do for me (miracles I'm guessing).

Maybe go on a picnic and read, because she's the best reading partner I've ever found.

I can't wait to charge my phone. I also need to purchase stamps for my paper bag letter.

I liked when he fell asleep holding my hand that rested on his chest.

And never stopped touching my hip bone. 

A little of my inspiration left town.

Today has a weird feel to it. Not particularly disagreeable, just feels like things have actually changed now. If I were to 'paint a picture', every molecule, organ, even the directional flow of blood and cells has escaped nature and is proceeding to structurally change my brain patterns and body functions. I'm enjoying it though. Just like I have been enjoying everything else this past week or so. Proverbial doors opening, revelations, etc. Everything is off track, but I feel like this is what is customarily labeled as an epiphany. Actually cutting out the bullshit and taking every day, as what it is. A laceration of hours, compiled into twenty-four and giving a new name each time the cycle hits. I haven't paid attention to the date, let alone the weekday. I'm a little clueless to the world right now, and I might stay that way for awhile.

I don't remember sleeping last night. Just constantly contorting with Zack, and the couch, and the sheet that we had twisting in between our legs. Talking through another one of our bad movie choices (his this time). I had a weird feeling his chest piece was going to rub off on my face, like when you fall asleep with sharpie on your hand and you find imprints of the design on funny places the next morning. Only I wasn't sleeping, and I had the same feeling the night before when I woke up with part of his shirt ripped open and my face glued to whatever bare skin showed. Saying goodbye was funny, following him outside for a smoke while he finished packing away the books I lent him on the stairs. Then he laughed at the outside of the card, which was just the preview of its contents - jokes of him being a dirty hippie (and my jealousy). Hugging him the first time was the funniest, because I got flustered afterwards and tried to go into the house with a cigarette. So to save face, I followed him and he asked for another hug then topped it off with a kiss. Then walked off looking like the mother fucking traveling hippie Jared and I have been giving him shit for.

Now I'm up in Mick's room while she does homework, instant messaging Vince. Wondering what to do today, and maybe just stay holed up in Jared's room playing with garage band and all of it's new apps. Watch Rome or the Big Bang Theory. Wait for Jordan to get off work so we can hang out, and maybe to peek at the new crib.

One step at a time.